THE GROW PODCAST | S1E2 | Red Flags | Summer Lee | Purpose Driven Coaching & Consulting
Beth 0:00
Welcome back to the Grow podcast. In today's episode, we're digging into something really practical and often overlooked. These are red flags. They are subtle signs that something is off, physically, emotionally or even spiritually, even if everything looks fine on the surface and no matter how hard we have tried our successfully normalized these things in everyday life. Now Summer, she is the founder of purpose driven coaching and consulting, and she's the creator of grow framework. Now here's the hope of what I'm about to say, her framework is actually God's solution, to step back into rhythm, and the first step is recognizing that we're out of rhythm. Now, she has walked through these warning signs herself, and now helps women recognize them before burnout and breakdown hits. Her perspective as a coach is honest and it's grounded, and she brings years of experience to this conversation. So today, as she walks us through the 10 red flags that may be keeping you out of rhythm with God's best for your life, lean in with the intention of seeing which one you can identify with most. Now without further ado, let's just jump right into the conversation, and I hope that you enjoyed it.
Summer 1:21
Difficulty slowing down. I see this so often, and I don't think people recognize it as a red flag. I think that it's just kind of, Oh, I love to be busy, you know, and just can't really stop and always like things to do, but it really is kind of a red flag, like, Why? Why can't we slow down? Why do we have to be busy all the time.
Beth 1:40
Yeah, because that's like, it's like the culture, it's very normal odds to be going and going,
Summer 1:45
Yes, persistent physical symptoms. And there's a whole list of what that includes. You know, many of you may have, I certainly have struggled with sleep disturbances or mood swings and irritability. You know, I personally struggled a lot with chronic pain that I didn't really understand was tied to some of the things that we're going to talk about later. I didn't recognize the like emotional and spiritual connection to some of the physical pain, brain fog, you know, the listgoes on and on, digestive issues, and many of these, you'll see those are associated with kind of that fight or flight response in that chronic stress state that we stay in, but I think it becomes normal too, or we just associated with something else, you know, I'm getting older, and some of that is true, right? I'm dealing with, you know, I'm in a hormonal, you know, change, and some of that very much is this, but I think what I've also found about that transition in life, you know, in our 40s, is we're not as resilient to stress because of the hormonal changes. And so it's like this vicious cycle of even though, you know this, this phase of life is causing me more stress because of my hormonal changes, my body's not as resilient to that stress, and you just kind of end back, end up in this, this loop with a lot of these problems going on. So solving them isn't always just physical. There's also some lifestyle, you know, and then, of course, emotional and spiritual changes that have to take place to resolve some of these
Relationship breakdowns is another one, whether that be disconnecting with close friends, feeling isolated marriage struggles, just like there's tension in relationships, and that may be a product of your mood swings and irritability, right? That one, that one like, breaks my heart. I think I can relate to the physical symptoms the most and the relational breakdowns.
Beth 3:40
That one is what, just, like, crushes me. For people like, it feels really tender when you read, when you read that, it was just like...
Summer 3:51
Yeah. And sometimes we don't even recognize it's happening. And we look back and we go, Oh my gosh, I haven't talked to that friend in like, six months,
Beth 3:58
and you don't even realize, yeah, because I've neglected it. I'm so busy.
Summer 4:02
Yeah, I'm so busy. I've neglected my friendships.
Beth 4:04
Yeah, the other side and you realize you haven't talked to my friend in six months. Like, did I do something like you just, it's, it is all just connected. We're connecting the dots here. We're connecting the dots. Okay, keep going.
Summer 4:16
Difficulty with boundaries. Um, you know, on the surface, I recognize that when I say that, that you may go, I don't have difficulties with boundaries. You know, we don't always recognize that we have difficulties with boundaries. So I think what I would say to that one is, do you feel tossed and swayed? You know, are, are the relationships in your life, or the emotions that you're feeling because of some of those relationships causing you to just feel like you are tossed about.
Beth 4:45
I've never heard that tossed and swayed. I just wrote that down. I love that. I feel like that needs to be like a T shirt. Are you tossed and swayed like a conversation like, just wear it around and let people ask you, what does that mean?
Summer 5:02
Well, and then to contrast that, the opposite of that would be like, I feel like I'm standing on a rock, you know, or do you feel like you're on that firm foundation? And we'll get to that more when we talk about what is the solution to these pain points. But you know, the difference would be, when I have healthy boundaries in place, I feel more like I'm standing on that solid rock and foundation where I'm not so easily swayed.
Yeah, all right, next one. I'm sure nobody can identify with this one, feeling constantly Overwhelmed But Not delegating. You know, this is this is common. I think when we're afraid of letting go of all the balls that we're juggling we don't want. It's like it's a control thing. Let me just, let's just call it for what it is, right? Like, this is a control issue sometimes to hold on and to not delegate. I've also seen this manifest as a guilt issue, especially with women in leadership who they don't want to delegate because they don't want to put something on to their team members. They don't want to push more on them, and so they hold on to it themselves, so it can manifest in different ways, loss of joy or passion for work or hobbies. How common is this? I think, in the middle phase of life too, that, you know, we kind of get to that point where we're like, Is this really whatI'm supposed to be doing? Like, I'm not loving this anymore. Or this could also be a result of, I'm exhausted, I have brain fog, you know? I just,
Beth 6:33
yeah, you just, like, there's, there's this, like, overall, like, Wait, am I in the right place? Like, I think something kicks in and you want purpose. But then there's also these little, like micro moments where you lack motivation and you have absolutely no idea why the joy has been sucked out of it, yeah? And I think people probably experience that more than and not even realize, like, yeah.
Summer 6:57
Well, and let me, let me talk about the bright side to this, because I personally experienced that too, and I've coached clients who are experiencing that. And I believe that there is a strong element here, of it's sometimes God's way of pushing you into what he has next for you, and so kind of recognizing where you are here. I mean, yes, it may just be because you're burnt out and you need to rest, but it may be because God's trying to push you somewhere else. You know, we're just going to lead into some of the other things that we'll talk about.
Beth 7:27
That's good. That's really good.
Summer 7:29
The next one would be personal neglect. So I think, you know, you've talked about this before that you struggle with, like, sometimes skipping meals, you know,
Beth 7:38
I literally, will forget to eat. Like,
Summer 7:41
I wish I had that problem.
Beth 7:42
Yes, I'm so focused on what I'm doing, and there's and, you know, there's so many things pulling in other directions during the day. I'm like, if I get up, I'm not, like, I won't, I will lose my momentum. And so I just, yeah, it's a real. It's a deal. It's a real.
Summer 7:54
My mother struggles with that, and I think it's because she's like, so busy and she's so focused doing all the things that she's doing, like, it just doesn't occur to her and come on, does your body not tell you that you need to eat? And she'll go, Well, yeah, but not till it's like, way too late. Then I feel like, you know, I'm crashing.
Beth 8:10
Since I've been working with you, I've been more aware that, like, if I do that, it's not like, oh, I have to be really rigid about it, but it's at the same time. It's like, if I do that, there's a consequence, a real consequence that's going to put me in a rigid place, because I'm not going to feel good, yeah? So it's like, do I just want to be consistent and avoid, avoid the rigidness. Is a is that a word? Yeah? You know, all together, because that's what it was doing to me. But I never connected that until we started interest talking about all of that
Summer 8:44
Well. And, you know, it goes deeper than that too. I mean, I've heard women talk about, you know, I just keep pushing out my appointments, like my doctor's appointments, because I'm too busy, or I don't have time to go, or I'm not making it to the gym, or, you know, I used to get facials all the time, or massages, and I haven't had one in three years, right? There's a lot of things that kind of encompass, like not like not taking care of our well being. All right, yeah, that's really good. All right, let's see the next one. Wait three more fearful of letting go. You know, I see this the most with people who have kind of relied on the security of a paycheck, a consistent paycheck, um, for so long that it is it's like the security comes from the paycheck. And I bring this up because often, you know people who are seeking coaching. They're desiring some sort of change, and a lot of times that changes. I want to leave what you know, has been comfortable for me, because maybe I want to start my own business, or I want to do something different, but I don't know how to make this transition. I don't know how to jump ship. I don't know how to, you know, trust to be able to let go of that and. And so I think that when you find yourself like knowing that maybe even God is calling me to something else, but I just don't know how to let go, I'm fearful. That's a red flag. Let's help work through you know, how do you get to
Beth 10:16
Yeah, and I think that could be like fearful of blank, blank, letting go.But there's so many different things that we like don't even realize that we're fearing because, you know, it that's, that's a big one. Yeah, it all kind of leads back to just letting go and letting God, you know, so,
Summer 10:35
Which totally ties into the next one. And maybe we could even combine those, but struggling to trust God's timing and process. So, you know, I think it's so common, especially as high achieving women, that we we rely on our own abilities, or even if we think that we're relying on God, it's like we just periodically step out of that grace and not even realize it, you know, that's really good. That's good, yeah. But if we're relying on our own abilities, and we're kind of functioning in our own human, rational mind. We we're not seeing that like God can do, like amazing, supernatural things that is just so far beyond our own abilities. But we have to trust Him, and sometimes that trust requires a faith step, you know, an action step, and I I'm absolutely certain I've seen it in my own life so many times. It's just when I take a step, then God shows me the next step, and then he blesses the next step, and then he shows me the next step, and it's just this beautiful journey. But we have to be willing to trust enough to take that first step. That's really that's really good.
And last one, I personally struggle with this one. So this is, this probably should have been number one on the list for me, placing unreal, unrealistic expectations on yourself and others. And what I listed there was unable to give yourself grace. I mean, wow, it's, it's it's a constant struggle. I don't know that I'll ever say that. I figured it all out, even though grace is the first part of grow, and we'll talk about that in a little bit. You know, it's there. It's part of grow, because it's something I personally have to work on all the time. It gets easier and it gets better, but it is still a struggle to give myself grace, my own constant critic, frustrated with others, you know, believing that my way is the best way. I mean, has anybody's husband ever said that to them? You know, my husband's always like you. Just think your way is the best way. I'm like, it is, but I'm wrong. You know, it's not, or just doesn't know how to rest. I mean, I've had women actually say that to me is I don't know how to rest, like, I don't know how to give myself the grace to just rest.
So that's our that's our 10 flags. And I'm sure there's many more, but, you know, I, like I said before, I just felt like it was important to go through them, because I'm guessing somebody listening, if not all of you listening, identifies with at least one of these, if not many of them.
Beth 13:11
Yeah, and it kind of gets hard when they start layering up, too. So let's connect the dots here, if this is kind of our problem, and the red flags, like some of the things that are common to experience. Obviously, we need some hope.
Summer 13:24
Hey, friend, if you've been feeling overwhelmed, out of sync, or just plain tired, I want to invite you into something that could change everything. It's called the Genesis rhythm, a balanced restorative path back to God's design. It's built around four biblical truths, Grace, rest, obedience and waiting. This isn't a checklist. It's a return to God's intended rhythm. And I'd love to walk this journey with you. You can learn more about the Grow course and discounts for podcast listeners in the show notes below. Now let's get back to the show.
Beth 14:07
Let's talk a little bit about the solution.
Summer 14:10
So grow is God's solution to these things that we've discussed that are really hindering our growth and our ability to step into God's best for our life, right? Because when we talked about a bunch of red flags, but if we look at, well, what's, what's the problem with those red flags, the problem is they're holding us back, right? They're holding us back from what God has for us and his best for us, and we are just not aligned with his rhythm. So I believe that what grow does is grow digs beneath the surface of these problems, and helps us identify like, what is God trying to reveal in us that he wants to grow right? What does God want to kind of prune out? What does God want to develop in us? How does God want to take us from this place of here's the problems or these pain points that I'm having to living more in alignment with a life that produces fruit of the Spirit, right? So, how do we live where we feel, you know, more joy, more peace, more patience, more self control.
Beth 15:16
That's so cool that you said that, because this morning, when I was, you know, praying. I just had this vision of the fruit of the Spirit. It was just, was just there, and I was like, I just want to walk in the fruit of the Spirit. Like, that's what I want producing now, and all like, that's what the metric really is.
Summer 15:35
You know, I like to compare it to, like, what's the world's way versus God's way, right? I think about that a lot. And if you think about, what does the world offer us to, kind of, like, soothe these pain points, right? Or like, what would your be solution? Your solution to some of these? Well, so often the solution just treats symptoms, right? We kind of go down this path of seeking, you know, how do I dull this pain, right? How do I mask it? How do I Band Aid it? How do I distract from it? I see that so commonly, kind of when we get in like, the wrong rhythm, right, or we get misaligned. And I think what God's Way does is it helps just unearth, like the root cause. And when we know what the root cause is, and we see that maybe the root cause of some of these things is an underlying issue with control, right? And I bring that up because I struggle with that personally, you know, or the root cause of this is an underlying struggle with not receiving God's grace, right? When we can unearth those things and we become more self aware, which is what grow is all about, right? Is helping us get to a place of more self awareness and more into this relationship with God, where he can then show us, you know, what do we need to do to, like, make that root, like, blossom back into something that's beautiful, that's for God's purpose, that's aligned with what he wants for our life. What do we need to do to feed it, to water it, you know, to get those blooms out of it? Does that make sense?
Beth 17:12
That makes a lot of sense, because naturally, you know, if you have, like for instance, if you have health issues, you go to a doctor, and they usually just give you medication, treat the symptoms and symptoms, very rarely do they really get down to the to the root cause. I think that that is incredibly relevant to how grow helps people, because we can't strike at the symptoms. We've we've got, we've got to figure that part out, too. But if we go to the root, we eliminate the symptoms. That's where the healing actually happens. So you're not saying to be you're irresponsible and not, you know, manage your symptoms are that they're not real. Because I'm sittinghere listening to you and I'm like these pain points, they're real. There's someone listening, going, but, but. But, and it's not that you can't hold that, but you need that. But, you know, this is real, but thisrelationship hurts, this person hurt. You know all the buts, those are real things, but they're not the root of the you know, they're they're just communicating to us, something that needs to be back in rhythm, they're communicating
Summer 18:24
That's so good. You know, you and I have talked so much lately about like, specific to physical pains you know that we experience and problems you know in our body that so often we miss, that all that is is the body's way of communicating to us that there is a deeper problem that we need to deal with, emotionally or spiritually.And then, even if you take it in the context of, like a broken relationship, if you're if there's some sort of an emotional strain, well,just what's below the surface. And so I think what grow is, is it's an invitation to say, Hey, God, what's below the surface that that that,it's like that song tend, you know, by Emmy rose and Bethel. It's that song. And that song, you know, she's talking about, you know, God, show me like, What do you need to pluck and prune? Or what is it about me that you love and that you want to grow. And it's kind of like this, this invitation to say, Hey, God, you know you're you're welcome here, you know, and and reveal in me. What, what your will and desire is for my life and help me to be better. That's, does that grow in a nutshell?
Beth 19:41
Yeah, it really, truly is from where I understand it, the pruning that just really kind of stirred something in my heart, because this isn't about like, Hey, what's wrong with you. It's about like, cultivating what is right about you, and pulling, pulling you. You up to that purpose driven parts about who you are and who God says that you are, and pruning is just a natural process of cultivating, and it's so different than oh my gosh, you're so controlling, or oh my gosh, you keep doing this, or you keep doing that, or my boss is this, or boss like, that's not the headspace that you're operating. And this is a much higher plane, if you will, where you rise above and you just get back into rhythm. The misalignment, I think, is the biggest takeaway,that this isn't about what's wrong. It's just about, in this season, what's gotten just a little bit off track, what's not serving you well. I mean, we talked about the problem, we talked about the solution. What does life on the other side look like? For that?
Summer 20:44
It looks like being able to breathe and it looks like learning what truerest is, right? Because everything about God's rhythm is going to follow a rhythm of rest. And that may not just be it includes physical rest, but it's also learning how to rest in Him, you know. So if we're struggling with control, for example, how do we let go of that and give control to him? If we're struggling to trust and depend on him, how do we how do we turn that around, right? So what it looks like to live in God's rhythm is going to be more alignment with God's Spirit and looking more like Jesus, right? I mean, it's it's growing in our spiritual fruit, and I also believe that it helps us in our self awareness as as we tune into these things, and we become a lot more self aware, we're able to more quickly identify when there is a red flag or when there's a problem, so that we can partner with God to work through that.
And I also think that we get to a place where, when we are in alignment, we are so empowered because we're living the way God intends, and I think it allows us to live with more confidence and more boldness. You know, when we're living in this divine partnership, I just keep calling it, that's just how I view it is. It's a constant loving relationship with the Lord, where he's just helping us get better each day. You know, we don't figure it all out at once. It's a lifetime, right? Of of becoming who he wants us to become. But it happens day by day, as we walk step in step with the Holy Spirit.
Beth 22:42
Which perfectly sums up the rhythm that grow kind of gets you backinto, and it keeps you accountable to as you learn the each step. I think this is just brilliant. To sum this up, it's, it's really like, I just kept seeing the word forward focus, you know, it's like, I mean, I don't know where that sits with you, but it's like the momentum of forwardfocus, like the Lord doesn't want us stuck back here. He doesn't wantus worn out. He just wants us in rhythm. Like it's just he wants to restore us, and he wants to I love this. I love all of this.
Okay, so if you felt seen in any of that while you were listening. You're not alone. These red flags, they can pile up quietly until suddenly we realize we're completely out of sync. But here's the good news. God doesn't just point things out to us to leave us stuck. He always invites us into something better. That's exactly what the Grow framework is designed to do. In the next episode, we're going to begin to unpack the first part of the journey. Now this is the foundational piece for everything else. It's Grace. And I guarantee you, you're going to learn something that you did not know, even though grace is something that you probably feel pretty confident you understand. So if you struggle with unrealistic expectations, self criticism or never feeling like you're doing enough, this is going to be a game changer for you. So until then, take a deep breath. You're not behind. You're being invited into God's balanced restorative path back to his original design. We'll see you next time you.
