How Pain Led Me to a Love I Wouldn’t Trade

 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
—Jeremiah 29:13 NIV

My husband, Jason, used to joke, “It’s God, Ginger, then me,” referring to the hierarchy of my love. He wasn’t totally wrong. Ginger, my sweet fur baby, was easy to love—she never talked back, never hurt my feelings, and always greeted me with pure, unfiltered affection. Jason came next, and yes, he knew Ginger had set a high bar.

But the truth is, Jason loves me with a selfless, sacrificial love. He prioritizes me, pursues me, and faithfully shows up no matter what. And loving someone who loves you like that? It’s easy.

And that’s what finally made me understand God’s love.

If you take away just one thing from my story, let it be this: God loves you more than you could ever imagine. His love is unconditional, extravagant, unending—and it's deeply personal. He wants a relationship with you, not just a place in your routine or religion. He wants your heart.

Experiencing God’s Presence

I first gave my life to Jesus when I was seven. But it wasn’t until I was in my thirties that I truly surrendered my heart to Him. And not until I was forty-three—flat on my back in fear on a cold fluoroscopy table, awaiting for a painful injection into my hip—that I encountered His presence in a way I’ll never forget.

“I’m right here with you,” I heard.

I was alone, scared, in pain—and suddenly, I wasn’t. The voice was soft, gentle, full of peace. The Holy Spirit was there. And I knew it.

What I didn’t know at the time was that the procedure had been botched. But God knew. He didn’t promise I wouldn’t hurt—He just promised I wouldn’t be alone. That moment deepened my love for Him more than any sermon ever could.

The more I experience God, the more I want to experience Him. I want to know His voice. Feel His presence. Be near to Him. And the beautiful thing is, He promises that when we seek Him with all our heart, He will be found.

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”
—James 4:8

The Hardest Question

“Why does God allow us to suffer?”

I’ve asked this question more than once. We all have. But through seasons of chronic pain, emotional exhaustion, and spiritual refining, I’ve come to believe something powerful: God doesn't waste our pain.

Sometimes we suffer because of others. Sometimes we suffer because of choices we’ve made. And sometimes, it’s just the reality of a broken world. But no matter how pain enters our lives, God’s desire is always to walk through it with us—and to use it for our transformation.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him… He will call on me, and I will answer him… I will deliver him and honor him.”
—Psalm 91:14-15

A New Perspective

I’ll never forget the moment I dropped to my knees in my office, overwhelmed by pain and pleading with God for healing. After years of chronic illness, I had reached my breaking point.

And yet, through tears, I whispered, “I wouldn’t trade it.”

I was shocked by my own words. But I meant them. Because through it all, God was changing me in ways that healing alone never could. He wasn’t just healing my body—He was healing my heart, my mind, my soul. He was removing fear, teaching me surrender, and showing me what it means to truly rest in Him.

Had He simply taken the pain away, I might have missed the deeper work He wanted to do. I might never have fallen to my knees. Never learned to be still. Never known His voice so intimately. Never fallen in love with Him like I have now.

And that love? I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Choosing Love

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength” (Mark 12:30). I’ve known those words for most of my life. But I only started to live them when I began experiencing God—not just knowing about Him, but walking with Him.

And what I’ve learned is this: falling in love with God isn’t about religion, performance, or perfection. It’s about pursuit. It’s about choosing to trust Him, even when we don’t understand. It’s about walking through fire with Him and realizing we were never alone.

So if you're in the fire right now, if you're tired of the fight, please know—you are deeply, radically loved. And you are not alone. God is with you, whispering, “I’m right here.”

Fall into His love. He’s already in love with you.